Senseless Acts

Fashion, Design, Art, Music and life posts :) I love everything pretty and transforming ugliness to something beautiful. There is a glimpse of lights in the darkest of ways and i stress on the light in the dark.

Challenge two: TRANSLATE COMPLAINTS AND CRITICISMS INTO TRANSFORMATIVE REQUESTS

Why many people have a hard time making requests. It often feels easier to say, “You’re wrong.” than it is to say “I need your help.”  Making requests leaves us much more vulnerable in relation to our conversation partners than making criticisms or complaints. So people have a tendency to complain rather than to request. If we make a request, the other person could turn us down or make fun of us, and the risk of disappointment and loss of face is hard to bear. If we complain, on the other hand, we stand on the emotional high ground and our listener is usually on the defensive. However, to improve our chances of getting cooperation from another person, we need to ask for what we want and risk being turned down. With practice we can each learn to bear those risks more skillfully and gracefully.

Why criticisms usually don’t get the positive result we want:Whenever we place people on the defensive, their capacity to listen goes down. Their attention and energy will often go into some combination of defending their position, saving face and counter-attacking. Only when they feel safe are they likely to listen and consider how they might meet our needs. The truth of the complaint is not the issue. Because mutual imitation or emotional “echoing” is so much a part of ordinary conversation, a criticism from one partner, no matter how justified, tends to evoke a criticism from the other, bogging the pair down in a spiral of accusations. To avoid this trap, you can to approach the other person not as a problem maker and adversary in a debate but as a problem-solving partner.   By translating your complaint into a request, you “transform” the role you are asking the other person to play.

Specific action requests help to focus your listener’s attention on the present situation. Focus on the actions you want to take and the actions you want others to take in the present and future. (For example, use verbs and adverbs, such as “meet our deadlines regularly.”) Avoid proposing changes in a person’s supposed character traits (nouns and adjectives, such as “slow worker” or “bad team player”). “How can we solve this problem quickly?” will generally produce much better results than, “Why are you such an awful slow-poke?” In the latter kind of statement, I am actually suggesting to my conversation partner that the behavior I want changed is a fixed and perhaps unchangeable part of their personality, thus undermining my own goals and needs.

     Talking about specifics will help to keep the current conversation from becoming one more episode in whatever unresolved conflicts might be in the background of your conversations. Your listener, like all of us, may sometimes be in the grip of feelings of embarrassment, resentment or self-doubt unrelated to the present situation. The more vague and open-ended a criticism is, the easier it is for your listener to hear it as part of those other conflicts. Instead of saying something like “Why does it always take you so long to get things done?”, try saying things like “I would like you to fix the faucet in Apartment #4 by five o’clock, so the tenants can use the kitchen sink when they get home tonight?” Of course, your tone of voice is important here. It’s important that you yourself are not carrying forward old complaints. Life is lived best one day at a time.

by Dennis Rivers, MA

“We criticize people for not giving us what we ourselves are afraid to ask for.”

Marshall Rosenberg

No Scrubs - TLC Cover by @KarminMusic my favorite band on YouTube!! They are beyond amazing!

(Source: youtube.com)

Chocolate week!! Above are my 4 favorite chocolates ever!! :D  Dark chocolate is my favorite! I don’t like any other type but all chocolate is actually beneficial. Who ever said chocolate is bad for you, needs to go do some research. Few studies have proven that chocolate has beneficial effects on health. It is clear that it can be really good for health because it contains more than 300 products. This is in contradiction with the old myth that says that everything that tastes good can be bad. There was a time when the old people told their children that eating too much chocolate can cause certain diseases. The research has shown that there is a fair amount of antioxidants in chocolate, and is relatively higher than in other foods rich in antioxidants known. View search results:In cocoa powder it is found to contain the highest amount of antioxidants of quality.Dark chocolate is found after the second cocoa powder. The results also showed that dark chocolate has eight times more antioxidant polyphenols than those found in strawberries.Milk chocolate is the third type of chocolate that contains a high level of antioxidants.Furthermore, in research conducted in 2001 with 23 participants included in the diet of dark chocolate and flavonoid-rich cocoa powder had HDL cholesterol, also called good cholesterol. Although the investigation into the effects of chocolate on health has been made in a relatively small group of people, it has shown that chocolate was good for health.Subsequently, another research was conducted in 2005, where another group was involved. The conclusions are similar, dark chocolate can actually lower blood pressure in individuals with hypertension. A similar result was achieved with other research, where the levels of LDL or bad cholesterol, were lowered by at least 10 percent.From these studies, it can be concluded that chocolate contains a high amount of good chemicals, which is totally opposed to the old myths and half-truths have long been established that food. This is not a reason to eat chocolate at will.Remember that chocolate can be good for your health but that the type of chocolate you eat it can be quite the opposite, especially those that are highly processed. Some of them are candy and chocolate bars, you will often find in the stores they are high in calories, sugar and fat.This does not necessarily mean that you should completely avoid these kinds of chocolate, but eat in moderation. If you want to enjoy the health benefits of chocolate, you should opt for one of the three versions mentioned above.Note also that the benefits of chocolate for health are not good for your pets.The reason is that it contains theobromine, a stimulant such that animals can not digest. Even baked dark chocolate is not recommended for pets. This is also true in cakes, desserts, ice cream, chocolate bar, and cookies that contain chocolate.For people with health problems, it is essential to learn before flowing over the chocolate. The health benefits of chocolate are beneficial to all

Chocolate week!! Above are my 4 favorite chocolates ever!! :D 

Dark chocolate is my favorite! I don’t like any other type but all chocolate is actually beneficial. Who ever said chocolate is bad for you, needs to go do some research.

Few studies have proven that chocolate has beneficial effects on health. It is clear that it can be really good for health because it contains more than 300 products. This is in contradiction with the old myth that says that everything that tastes good can be bad. There was a time when the old people told their children that eating too much chocolate can cause certain diseases.


The research has shown that there is a fair amount of antioxidants in chocolate, and is relatively higher than in other foods rich in antioxidants known. View search results:

In cocoa powder it is found to contain the highest amount of antioxidants of quality.

Dark chocolate is found after the second cocoa powder. The results also showed that dark chocolate has eight times more antioxidant polyphenols than those found in strawberries.

Milk chocolate is the third type of chocolate that contains a high level of antioxidants.

Furthermore, in research conducted in 2001 with 23 participants included in the diet of dark chocolate and flavonoid-rich cocoa powder had HDL cholesterol, also called good cholesterol. Although the investigation into the effects of chocolate on health has been made in a relatively small group of people, it has shown that chocolate was good for health.

Subsequently, another research was conducted in 2005, where another group was involved. The conclusions are similar, dark chocolate can actually lower blood pressure in individuals with hypertension. A similar result was achieved with other research, where the levels of LDL or bad cholesterol, were lowered by at least 10 percent.

From these studies, it can be concluded that chocolate contains a high amount of good chemicals, which is totally opposed to the old myths and half-truths have long been established that food. This is not a reason to eat chocolate at will.

Remember that chocolate can be good for your health but that the type of chocolate you eat it can be quite the opposite, especially those that are highly processed. Some of them are candy and chocolate bars, you will often find in the stores they are high in calories, sugar and fat.

This does not necessarily mean that you should completely avoid these kinds of chocolate, but eat in moderation. If you want to enjoy the health benefits of chocolate, you should opt for one of the three versions mentioned above.

Note also that the benefits of chocolate for health are not good for your pets.The reason is that it contains theobromine, a stimulant such that animals can not digest. Even baked dark chocolate is not recommended for pets. This is also true in cakes, desserts, ice cream, chocolate bar, and cookies that contain chocolate.

For people with health problems, it is essential to learn before flowing over the chocolate. The health benefits of chocolate are beneficial to all